{"id":3985,"date":"2016-04-24T10:25:38","date_gmt":"2016-04-24T10:25:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/project\/episode-two-to-cry-or-not-to-cry\/"},"modified":"2026-08-28T22:50:02","modified_gmt":"2026-08-28T22:50:02","slug":"episode-two-to-cry-or-not-to-cry","status":"publish","type":"project","link":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/project\/episode-two-to-cry-or-not-to-cry\/","title":{"rendered":"2. Kesit: A\u011flamak ya da A\u011flamamak"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hayat dedi\u011fimiz bu yan\u0131lsaman\u0131n i\u00e7inde yar\u0131m y\u00fczy\u0131l\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131n bir s\u00fcreyi g\u00fc\u00e7 bela geride b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f; Hindistan ve Bhutan\u2019\u0131n tekin olmayan yollar\u0131nda binlerce kilometre yol alm\u0131\u015f, derme \u00e7atma u\u00e7aklarla d\u00fcnyan\u0131n d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131nda y\u00fcz binlerce kilometre u\u00e7mu\u015f, Bangkok sokak sat\u0131c\u0131lar\u0131ndan kim bilir neler yemi\u015f, Peninsula Oteli\u2019nin ikindi \u00e7aylar\u0131nda gizlenen t\u00fcrl\u00fc toksinleri tatm\u0131\u015f biri olarak sonunda \u015funu anlad\u0131m: A\u011flayabilmek bir l\u00fctuftur.<\/p>\n

G\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 \u2014 \u00f6zellikle \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n, hele k\u0131z \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 \u2014 y\u0131llar ge\u00e7se de haf\u0131zamdan silinmez. Bir keresinde Claudia beni Sydney Havaalan\u0131\u2019na g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. Hen\u00fcz birka\u00e7 ayl\u0131k olan k\u0131z\u0131 Sachiko, arka koltukta kuca\u011fa al\u0131nmak ister gibi a\u011fl\u0131yordu. Ama yo\u011fun otoyolda oldu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in durup onunla ilgilenmemiz m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi. O sahne g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcne geldik\u00e7e h\u00e2l\u00e2 i\u00e7im burkulur. Umar\u0131m o g\u00fcn, i\u00e7inde bir terk edilme korkusu yer etmemi\u015ftir.<\/p>\n

B\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm \u00e7evrede a\u011flamayan \u00e7ocuklar yeti\u015fkinler taraf\u0131ndan \u00f6v\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc. Bu y\u00fczden ben de duygular\u0131m\u0131 i\u00e7imde tutmak ve a\u011flak olmamakla gurur duymay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendim. Anneannemle dedemin yan\u0131ndan al\u0131n\u0131p yat\u0131l\u0131 okula g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde tek damla g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 d\u00f6kmedim. \u00c7ok ge\u00e7meden gelen, hayat\u0131m\u0131n y\u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fc de\u011fi\u015ftiren o g\u00fcnde de okuldan ve evden bir daha d\u00f6nmemek \u00fczere ayr\u0131l\u0131rken g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 tutmay\u0131 ba\u015fard\u0131m; ama bunun i\u00e7in kendimi epey zorlamam gerekti. O g\u00fcn beni b\u00fcy\u00fcten anneannemle dedeme veda edip, g\u00f6z\u00fcmde hayal edemeyece\u011fim kadar uzak duran Sikkim\u2019e do\u011fru yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Bir g\u00fcn geri d\u00f6nece\u011fimden hi\u00e7 s\u00f6z edilmiyordu. Asl\u0131nda Sikkim, do\u011fu Bhutan\u2019a co\u011frafi olarak o kadar uzak say\u0131lmazd\u0131. Ama mesafe, y\u00fckseklik ve zaman insan\u0131n bak\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131na g\u00f6re de\u011fi\u015fen g\u00f6receli \u015feylerdir. Be\u015f ya\u015f\u0131ndaki bir \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7inse d\u00fcnyada daha uzak bir yer olamazd\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u0130nsanlar\u0131n Sikkim ve Nepal gibi yerlerden s\u00f6z etti\u011fini duyard\u0131m ama bir g\u00fcn benim de oralara gidebilece\u011fim akl\u0131m\u0131n ucundan bile ge\u00e7mezdi. Arada bir, nadiren, tepemizden bir u\u00e7ak ge\u00e7erdi; o an herkes d\u0131\u015far\u0131 f\u0131rlar, g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne bakakal\u0131rd\u0131. U\u00e7ak \u00e7oktan g\u00f6zden kaybolduktan sonra bile g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde \u00e7apraz \u00e7izgiler b\u0131rakan beyaz izleri uzun s\u00fcre seyrederdik. Sonra g\u00fcnler boyunca yukar\u0131da olman\u0131n nas\u0131l bir \u015fey olabilece\u011fini konu\u015furduk. Ben ise hayat\u0131m boyunca hi\u00e7 u\u00e7a\u011fa binemeyece\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc u\u00e7mak yaln\u0131zca \u00f6nemli ve zengin insanlara ait bir ayr\u0131cal\u0131kt\u0131. Bir g\u00fcn bir akrabam\u0131z gelip u\u00e7akla yolculuk yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledi. Hik\u00e2yesini, hep birlikte oca\u011f\u0131n etraf\u0131nda yemek yedi\u011fimiz mutfakta, ak\u015fam yeme\u011fi s\u0131ras\u0131nda anlatmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. B\u00fcy\u00fclenmi\u015f gibi dinleyen yaln\u0131zca ben de\u011fildim; yeti\u015fkinler bile dikkat kesilmi\u015fti. Ve geceler boyunca bu akraba, g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcndeki yolculu\u011funu tekrar tekrar anlatt\u0131.<\/p>\n

Nihayet Sikkim denen o uzak diyara -hem de karayoluyla- gidece\u011fim g\u00fcn geldi\u011finde anneannem g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 tutamad\u0131. Dedemin onu azarlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum; b\u00f6yle duygular g\u00f6stermenin u\u011fursuzluk getirece\u011fini s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu. Bir yeti\u015fkinin a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmek, hele de b\u00fcy\u00fck sayg\u0131 duydu\u011fum birinin, \u00fczerimde derin bir iz b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131 ki anneanneme dair az say\u0131daki an\u0131mdan en canl\u0131s\u0131 budur.<\/p>\n

Zamanla \u015funu anlad\u0131m ki, insanlar, bu d\u00fcnyada en \u00e7ok sayg\u0131 duydu\u011fum ki\u015filer bile, yaln\u0131zca ac\u0131dan ya da korkudan de\u011fil, daha nice sebeple g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 d\u00f6k\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n

\"dudjom\"Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche ile ilk kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmama dair haf\u0131zamda kalan \u015fey, bulan\u0131k ve b\u00f6l\u00fck p\u00f6r\u00e7\u00fck hoparl\u00f6r sesleridir. O s\u0131rada hen\u00fcz bir ya\u015f\u0131m\u0131 bile doldurmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Baba taraf\u0131ndan dedem olan Kyabje Dudjom Rinpoche\u2019nin Kangyur [1]<\/sup>\u00a0 aktar\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 verdi\u011fi Darjeeling\u2019e g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Bu aktar\u0131m\u0131 ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirebilmek i\u00e7in yakla\u015f\u0131k 70,000 sayfal\u0131k metni aylar boyunca y\u00fcksek sesle okumas\u0131 gerekiyordu. Tibet uygarl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n belki de en b\u00fcy\u00fck ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131, Kangyur\u2019u \u00e7evirmi\u015f, korumu\u015f, kesintisiz bi\u00e7imde aktarm\u0131\u015f ve \u00f6\u011fretmi\u015f olmas\u0131yd\u0131. Daha sonra \u00f6\u011frendim ki, daha k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir bebek olmama ra\u011fmen bu aktar\u0131m\u0131 almam konusunda \u0131srar eden ki\u015fi dedemmi\u015f. \u00dcstelik yaln\u0131zca bir k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fil; anneme, bir an bile uyumama izin vermemesini s\u00f6ylemi\u015f. E\u011fer uyuklar ya da huysuzlan\u0131rsam, tek bir kelimeyi bile ka\u00e7\u0131rmayay\u0131m diye aktar\u0131m\u0131 durdurup bana \u015feker verirmi\u015f. Y\u0131llar sonra insanlar bu hik\u00e2yeyi kullanarak beni de Kangyur aktar\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 vermeye zorlad\u0131lar. Ben de Chauntra\u2019daki Dzongsar Shedra\u2019da bunu yapt\u0131m; hem de b\u00fcy\u00fck bir zahmetle. Sonunda bu \u00e7aba g\u00f6zlerimde kal\u0131c\u0131 bir hasar b\u0131rakt\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte orada, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche de aktar\u0131m\u0131n bir b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc Kyabje Dudjom Rinpoche\u2019den almak \u00fczere bulunuyordu ve onunla ilk kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam b\u00f6yle ger\u00e7ekle\u015fti. Tahtta oturan bir adama do\u011fru g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir \u00e7ekim hissetti\u011fimi \u00e7ok net hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum; onun dedem olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 belliydi. Rinpoche\u2019ye yakla\u015fmakta \u0131srar etmi\u015fim. Daha sonra teyzem de bunu do\u011frulad\u0131 ve o kadar k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck olmama ra\u011fmen dikkatimin tamamen Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche \u00fczerinde oldu\u011funu anlatt\u0131.<\/p>\n

\"khandro\"Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche ile ikinci kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam ise zihnimde \u00e7ok daha canl\u0131d\u0131r. O s\u0131rada be\u015f ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m, anneannem ve dedemden yeni ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ve Sikkim\u2019deki Gangtok Saray\u0131\u2019nda bulunan Khyentse Labrang\u2019a \u2014Tsuklakhang ya da Saray \u015eapeli olarak da bilinen yere\u2014 do\u011fru yola \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Orada, Dzongsar Khyentse Ch\u00f6kyi Lodr\u00f6\u2019n\u00fcn tulkusu olarak tahta \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lacak ve uzun y\u0131llar boyunca ya\u015fayacakt\u0131m. Labrang i\u00e7in ayr\u0131lan mek\u00e2n, 1950\u2019lerin sonlar\u0131nda Sikkim Kral\u0131 Tashi Namgyal ile o d\u00f6nemin veliaht prensi olan o\u011flu Palden Thondup Namgyal taraf\u0131ndan c\u00f6mert\u00e7e Khyentse Ch\u00f6kyi Lodr\u00f6\u2019ye tahsis edilmi\u015fti. Khandro Tshering Ch\u00f6dr\u00f6n de o zamandan beri Tsuklakhang\u2019da ikamet ediyordu.<\/p>\n

Grubumuz Bhutan\u2019dan eski p\u00fcsk\u00fc bir Mahindra cip ile yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. O g\u00fcne kadar bildi\u011fim hayata veda ederken a\u011flamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in kendimi erkekli\u011fimi kan\u0131tlam\u0131\u015f gibi hissediyordum. G\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc hep ileriye dikmi\u015ftim. Singtam\u2019daki yol ayr\u0131m\u0131na vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda beni kar\u015f\u0131lamak i\u00e7in b\u00fcy\u00fck bir kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n topland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fck. Yard\u0131mc\u0131lar\u0131m ve \u015fof\u00f6r birden tela\u015flan\u0131p gerildi, hemen cipin camlar\u0131n\u0131 kapatmaya ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Birisi, \u201cSizi kar\u015f\u0131lamak i\u00e7in Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche geldi.\u201d dedi. Cip, ellerinde khatalarla bekleyen insanlar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r ilerlerken onu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm: Kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, t\u00fcts\u00fc dumanlar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda duran Rinpoche\u2019yi. Son derece uzun boylu ve inceydi; hen\u00fcz ileriki y\u0131llarda oldu\u011fu kadar heybetli g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u00fcyordu. \u00dczerinde \u00f6zenli ve zarif c\u00fcppeler vard\u0131. \u00c7ok sonralar\u0131 bana, kimsenin onu daha \u00f6nce b\u00f6yle c\u00fcppeler i\u00e7inde g\u00f6rmedi\u011fi anlat\u0131ld\u0131. Hatta o y\u0131llarda olduk\u00e7a yoksul oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, baz\u0131lar\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131lama t\u00f6reni i\u00e7in bu k\u0131yafetleri \u00f6d\u00fcn\u00e7 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bile d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f.<\/p>\n

\"greeting\"Daha k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir \u00e7ocuk olmama ra\u011fmen Rinpoche bana b\u00fcy\u00fck bir sayg\u0131yla davran\u0131yordu. T\u00f6rensel safranl\u0131 pirin\u00e7 ve tereya\u011fl\u0131 \u00e7ay ikram\u0131ndan sonra Gangtok\u2019a do\u011fru yola \u00e7\u0131kma vakti geldi. Toz toprak i\u00e7indeki cipimizden inip bembeyaz bir Avrupa sedan\u0131na binecektim. Avrupa yap\u0131m\u0131 bir arabaya ilk kez biniyordum. \u00d6nce Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche arabaya ge\u00e7ti; ard\u0131ndan beni de onun kuca\u011f\u0131na oturttular.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte her \u015fey o anda ba\u015flad\u0131. Yakla\u015f\u0131k iki saat s\u00fcren yol boyunca Khyentse Rinpoche bir \u00e7ocuk gibi a\u011flad\u0131. Herkesin derin sayg\u0131 duydu\u011fu o heybetli adam b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na bo\u011fulmu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n

Y\u0131llar sonra \u00f6\u011frendim ki, Singtam\u2019da beni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc andan saraya var\u0131ncaya dek ge\u00e7en s\u00fcre boyunca Khyentse Ch\u00f6kyi Lodr\u00f6\u2019n\u00fcn varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 son derece canl\u0131 ve g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir bi\u00e7imde hissetti\u011fini s\u00f6ylemi\u015f. Sanki hi\u00e7bir \u015fey de\u011fi\u015fmemi\u015f gibi gelmi\u015f ve g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 tutamam\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n

\u00c7ok ge\u00e7meden Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche \u00f6\u011fretiler aktarmaya ve inisiyasyonlar vermeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Bat\u0131 Sikkim\u2019deki Tashiding\u2019de, Lama Gongdu d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fcne ait \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli bir terma \u00f6\u011fretisi verdi\u011fi s\u0131rada, \u00f6\u011fretinin ortas\u0131nda ans\u0131z\u0131n g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na bo\u011fulu\u015funu yine hu\u015fu i\u00e7inde izledim. Yard\u0131mc\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 \u2014 Shedrup ad\u0131nda bir yard\u0131mc\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131 \u2014 ama o da a\u011fl\u0131yordu. Bunun \u00fczerine hemen uzun bir e\u015farp getirildi. Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche e\u015farb\u0131 al\u0131p benim boynuma dolad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Rinpoche genellikle bir da\u011f gibiydi; hi\u00e7bir \u015fey onu sarsmaz, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey tela\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrmezdi. A\u011flamas\u0131n\u0131 en son bekleyece\u011finiz ki\u015fiydi. Neredeyse iki metre boyundayd\u0131 ve bedeninde Do\u011fu Tibet\u2019in Kham b\u00f6lgesinin en naml\u0131 sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n kan\u0131n\u0131 ve kemi\u011fini ta\u015f\u0131yordu. B\u00fcy\u00fckbabalar\u0131 Derge Kral\u0131\u2019n\u0131n vezirleriydi. Onlar\u0131n cesaretini ve zarafetini miras alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u00d6ylesine heybetliydi ki, ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc niteliklerini anlatmaya ger\u00e7ekten kelimeler yetmezdi. Ama yine de Rinpoche\u2019nin a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ba\u015fka anlar\u0131 da hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Bazen bir \u00e7ocuk gibi aniden g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na bo\u011fulur, h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra a\u011flard\u0131. Ve ayn\u0131 ki\u015fi, daha \u00f6nce kimsede g\u00f6rmedi\u011fim kadar b\u00fcy\u00fck bir ne\u015fe de sergileyebilirdi.<\/p>\n

Biraz daha b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm y\u0131llarda, Rinpoche, Rabjam Rinpoche, Tulku Pema Wangyal ve daha bir\u00e7ok ki\u015fiyle birlikte bizi Tibet\u2019e davet etti. Yolumuz, Tibet\u2019te Thangtong Gyalpo taraf\u0131ndan kurulmu\u015f bir Sakyapa manast\u0131r\u0131 olan, Derge Manast\u0131r\u0131 diye de bilinen, Gonchen Manast\u0131r\u0131\u2019na d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Bu, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019nin, K\u00fclt\u00fcr Devrimi s\u0131ras\u0131nda K\u0131z\u0131l Muhaf\u0131zlar\u0131n manast\u0131rlar\u0131 yerle bir etmesinden sonra Tibet\u2019e yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ikinci ziyaretti. O y\u0131llarda \u00c7in, inan\u00e7 ve dini ya\u015fama y\u00f6nelik politikalar\u0131n\u0131 ancak yeni yeni de\u011fi\u015ftirmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yordu. Buna ra\u011fmen manast\u0131rlar\u0131n \u00e7o\u011fu h\u00e2l\u00e2 b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle harabe halindeydi. Biz oraya vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, bizi g\u00f6rebilmek i\u00e7in say\u0131s\u0131z Tibetli toplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bir g\u00fcn, olduk\u00e7a s\u0131radan g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcml\u00fc gen\u00e7 bir adam \u00e7\u0131kageldi ve eski p\u00fcsk\u00fc \u00e7antas\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131, yedi sekiz santim boylar\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir Manjushri heykelini Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019ye sundu. Bana olduk\u00e7a s\u0131radan g\u00f6r\u00fcnen bu heykelin, Mipham Rinpoche\u2019nin pratiklerinde kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir heykel oldu\u011funu Rinpoche hemen fark etmi\u015fti. Uzun uzun a\u011flad\u0131; bize sanki saatler s\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f gibi gelmi\u015fti. Hepimiz nutkumuz tutulmu\u015f halde sessizce oturuyorduk. Tepkisi, sanki kendisine canl\u0131 bir Manjushri sunulmu\u015f gibiydi. Ve hi\u00e7 ku\u015fkum yok ki, onun i\u00e7in ger\u00e7ekten de \u00f6yleydi.<\/p>\n

Rinpoche heykeli durmadan masan\u0131n \u00fczerine b\u0131rak\u0131yor, uzun uzun ona bak\u0131yor, sonra yeniden eline al\u0131p tekrar g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na bo\u011fuluyordu. Kimi zaman heykeli ba\u015f\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyor, kimi zaman kalbinin \u00fczerine koyuyordu; duydu\u011fu sevin\u00e7 tarif edilemezdi. Sonra Tulku Pema Wangyal\u2019i \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131p bu gen\u00e7 adam\u0131n \u00f6d\u00fcllendirilmesini istedi. Gen\u00e7 adam hi\u00e7bir kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k talep etmemi\u015f olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen, Rinpoche ona yanl\u0131\u015f hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorsam olduk\u00e7a y\u00fckl\u00fc bir miktar para verdi.<\/p>\n

Bizler, Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019nin \u00f6\u011frencileri olarak elbette Mipham Rinpoche\u2019ye ve Manjushri\u2019ye h\u00fcrmet g\u00f6sterirdik, ama ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde y\u00fczeyseldi. Sayg\u0131 duyuyorduk, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bizden beklenen buydu. Oysa Rinpoche\u2019nin o anda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 derin sevinci b\u0131rak\u0131n kendimiz deneyimlemeyi, daha \u00f6nce b\u00f6ylesine bir \u015feye tan\u0131k bile olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Hayrete d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm; insan hayat\u0131nda b\u00f6yle bir manzarayla pek s\u0131k kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmaz. \u015eimdi d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda anl\u0131yorum ki, ger\u00e7ek bir sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n, neredeyse efsanevi bir devin, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na tan\u0131kl\u0131k ederken, asl\u0131nda cesaretin ete kemi\u011fe b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f h\u00e2lini g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Biraz afallam\u0131\u015f, ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilemez halde diz \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fcm ve bu Manjushri heykeline y\u00fcz bin tereya\u011f\u0131 lambas\u0131 sunaca\u011f\u0131ma dair s\u00f6z verdim. Bunun \u00fczerine Rinpoche hemen, \u201cManjushri\u2019nin kutsamas\u0131 sayesinde \u00e7ok bilgili biri olacaks\u0131n,\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n

Aradan uzun y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti. Tembelli\u011fe ve t\u00fcrl\u00fc oyalanmalara kap\u0131l\u0131p, Rinpoche hayattayken verdi\u011fim tereya\u011f\u0131 lambas\u0131 sunma s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc yerine getiremedim. Rinpoche 1991 y\u0131l\u0131nda vefat etti. Y\u0131llar sonra, \u015fimdiki Yangsi Rinpoche\u2019nin tahta \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f t\u00f6reni s\u0131ras\u0131nda Rabjam Rinpoche benden, gen\u00e7 tulkulara Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019nin yaz\u0131lar\u0131ndan aktar\u0131m vermemi istedi. Manjushri\u2019ye \u00f6vg\u00fc ve sunular i\u00e7eren sadhana metnini okurken, kolofon k\u0131sm\u0131nda kendimi \u015fu sat\u0131rlar\u0131 y\u00fcksek sesle okurken buldum: \u201cYangsi Thubten Ch\u00f6kyi Gyatso \u2014 bana b\u00f6yle hitap ederdi \u2014 Manjushri\u2019ye y\u00fcz bin tereya\u011f\u0131 lambas\u0131 sundu\u011funda, bunun b\u00fcy\u00fck fayda getirece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm.\u201d Lung\u2019u hoparl\u00f6rden okuyordum. A\u011flamamaya \u015fartlanm\u0131\u015f biri olmama ra\u011fmen, i\u00e7imde y\u00fckselen duygu \u00f6ylesine g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcyd\u00fc ki g\u00f6zlerim doldu. Bunu fark ettirmemek i\u00e7in burnumu silmem ve \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fcyormu\u015f gibi yapmam gerekti. \u0130lk i\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fcm kendimi gizlemek oldu.<\/p>\n

Aktar\u0131m\u0131 tamamlar tamamlamaz, hi\u00e7 vakit kaybetmeden Tibet\u2019ten y\u00fcz bin sunuya yetecek kadar tereya\u011f\u0131 getirilmesini istedim. O g\u00fcnden beri de f\u0131rsat bulduk\u00e7a, bug\u00fcn h\u00e2l\u00e2 Nepal\u2019deki Shechen Manast\u0131r\u0131\u2019nda, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019nin stupas\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7indeki Jnanasattva\u2019da muhafaza edilen o b\u00fcy\u00fck Manjushri heykeline y\u00fcz bin mandala ve y\u00fcz bin \u0131\u015f\u0131k sunusu yap\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n

Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi Rinpoche\u2019nin tahta \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinden uzun y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti. Ben de bir g\u00fcn Rinpoche\u2019yi, Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019nin beni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc gibi g\u00f6rmeye niyet ediyorum. Bir insan\u0131n, bir \u00e7ocuk ya da k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir heykel kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda b\u00f6ylesine tarifsiz bir sevin\u00e7 duyabilmesi ger\u00e7ekten akl\u0131n kolayca kavrayabilece\u011fi bir \u015fey de\u011fil.<\/p>\n

\"for<\/p>\n

[1]<\/sup> Buda\u2019n\u0131n t\u00fcm s\u00f6zlerinin topland\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u00fclliyat <\/sup><\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hayat dedi\u011fimiz bu yan\u0131lsaman\u0131n i\u00e7inde yar\u0131m y\u00fczy\u0131l\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131n bir s\u00fcreyi g\u00fc\u00e7 bela geride b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f; Hindistan ve Bhutan\u2019\u0131n tekin olmayan yollar\u0131nda binlerce kilometre yol alm\u0131\u015f, derme \u00e7atma u\u00e7aklarla d\u00fcnyan\u0131n d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131nda y\u00fcz binlerce kilometre u\u00e7mu\u015f, Bangkok sokak sat\u0131c\u0131lar\u0131ndan kim bilir neler yemi\u015f, Peninsula Oteli\u2019nin ikindi \u00e7aylar\u0131nda gizlenen t\u00fcrl\u00fc toksinleri tatm\u0131\u015f biri olarak sonunda \u015funu anlad\u0131m: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3987,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"After barely surviving more than half a century of this hallucination of life\u2014having driven thousands of miles on some of the most treacherous roads in places like India and Bhutan, having flown hundreds of thousands of miles around the world in flimsy airplanes, having eaten who knows what kind of food from vendors in Bangkok or toxins camouflaged as high tea at the Peninsula hotel\u2014I have come to realize that being able to cry is a gift.\r\n\r\nThe sight of tears, especially those of children, and especially of girls, remains in my consciousness for years. Once Claudia was driving me to Sydney airport and her daughter Sachiko, barely a few months old, was crying for attention in the back seat. But we couldn't do anything because we were on the busy highway. Sometimes that scene still comes back to haunt me. I hope a fear of abandonment was not engrained in her that day.\r\n\r\nIn the environment I was raised, children who didn't cry were praised by adults. So I became proud of keeping it in and not being a sissy. I didn't shed a tear when I was taken away from my grandparents to boarding school. Even on the momentous day not long afterwards, when I was taken away from school and home forever, I controlled my tears, although it took some effort. On that day, I had to say goodbye to my maternal grandparents who had raised me and leave for Sikkim, which was farther away than I could imagine. There was no mention of ever returning. Sikkim is not geographically that far away from eastern Bhutan, but distance, height, and time are all relative and changeable depending on one's changing perspective. From the point of view of a child of five, it could not have been farther.\r\n\r\nI had heard people talk about places like Sikkim and Nepal but it never occurred to me that I would have an opportunity to go myself. Once in a blue moon an airplane would fly overhead and everyone would scramble outside to stare. They would stay a long time after the plane had passed, watching the white trails cross the sky. And for days we would talk about what it must be like up there. I assumed I would never have the opportunity to fly because it was for important, rich people. Once a family member came and claimed he'd taken a flight. He told his tale at dinner time in the kitchen where we all ate around the hearth, and it wasn't just me who was mesmerized, even the adults listened intently. Night after night this relative recounted his experience in the sky.\r\n\r\nAnyway, when the day came that I was going to this distant land called Sikkim, by road, mind you, my grandmother could not control her tears. I remember my grandfather scolding her because, he said, her display of emotion was inauspicious. To see an adult crying, especially when it was someone I respected very much, must have made a strong impression on me because it is the strongest of the few memories I have of my grandmother.\r\n\r\nLater I realized there are so many reasons people cry, including the people I respect most in this world, not just when they are sad or afraid.\r\n\r\nI have a hazy, fragmented memory of loudspeakers from the first time I met Kyabje Dilgo \"dudjom\"Khyentse Rinpoche. I was less than one year old and I had been taken to Darjeeling, where my paternal grandfather Kyabje Dudjom Rinpoche was giving the transmission of the Kangyur[1]<\/sup><\/a>. To give the transmission he had to read about 70,000 pages of text aloud, which takes many months. Probably the greatest thing the Tibetan civilization ever achieved was to translate, preserve, continuously transmit, and teach the Kangyur. I later learned that it was my grandfather who insisted I receive this transmission even though I was just a baby. And not just some parts of it; he told my mother not to let me sleep even for a moment. If I dozed off or got fussy, he would stop the transmission to give me sweets so that I wouldn\u2019t miss a single word. Years later people used this fact to manipulate me into giving the Kangyur transmission myself. And I did so, painfully, in Chauntra at Dzongsar Shedra, which permanently damaged my eyesight.\r\n\r\nIt was there that Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche came to receive part of the transmission from Kyabje Dudjom Rinpoche and I had my first encounter with him. I have a distinct memory of being drawn to a man seated on a throne, clearly not my grandfather. I insisted on approaching Rinpoche. This was later confirmed by my auntie, who told me that even though I was so young I was very focused on Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.\r\n\r\nThe second time I met Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche is much more clear in my mind. I was \"khandro\"five years old, just after I had left my grandparents, and on my way to the Khyentse Labrang at Gangtok Palace\u2014also known as Tsuklakhang or the Palace Chapel\u2014in Sikkim, where I was about to be enthroned as a tulku of Dzongsar Khyentse Ch\u00f6kyi Lodr\u00f6 and where I would reside for many years to come. The space for the labrang had been generously offered to Khyentse Ch\u00f6kyi Lodro by the King of Sikkim, Tashi Namgyal and his son the then crown prince Palden Thondup Namgyel, in the late 1950s. Khandro Tshering Ch\u00f6dr\u00f6n had been residing at the Tsuklakhang since then.\r\n\r\nOur group travelled from Bhutan in a dilapidated Mahindra jeep. I was feeling like a real man because I hadn\u2019t cried when saying goodbye to my life as I had known it. I was looking forward. When we reached a crossroads at Singtam, there was a large gathering of people there to receive me. My attendants and driver became flustered and nervous, rolling up the windows. Someone said, \u201cKyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche is here to receive you.\u201d As the jeep slowed down amid crowds of people holding katas, I saw Rinpoche standing there in a cloud of swirling smoke offerings. He was extremely tall and somewhat slim, not as large as he would become one day, and he was dressed up in fine robes. I was told much later that no one had ever seen him in such a robe and some even suspected that he borrowed clothing for the reception because he was very poor at that time.\r\n\r\n\"greeting\"I was just a kid but Rinpoche treated me with complete respect. Ceremonial saffron rice and butter tea were offered, and then it was time to continue on to Gangtok. I was to shift from our dusty jeep into this beautiful white European sedan. This was the first time I\u2019d been in a European made car. Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche got in first and I was placed on his lap.\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s when it started. It was almost a two hour drive and Khyentse Rinpoche wept like a child the entire way, this giant man who was so respected by everyone, completely dissolved in tears. Years later, I heard that he told people that from the moment of seeing me in Singtam until he reached the palace, he felt the presence of Khyentse Ch\u00f6kyi Lodr\u00f6 utterly, clearly, as if nothing had changed, and he couldn't help himself.\r\n\r\nNot long after that, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche began to teach and give initiations. In Tashiding, western Sikkim, he gave a very important treasure teaching of the Lama Gongdu cycle. Again, I watched in awe as he suddenly burst into tears in the middle of the teaching. He called for his attendant\u2014there was one named Shedrup\u2014who was also in tears. He immediately brought a very long scarf, which Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche put around my neck.\r\n\r\nUsually, Rinpoche was like a mountain, nothing moved him, nothing made him flustered. He was the last person you'd expect to cry. This is a man, six feet, eleven inches tall, with the blood and bones of some of the most celebrated warriors of Kham, Eastern Tibet, his grandfathers were ministers of the King of Derge. He inherited their bravery and elegance and was just so majestic, we can never really finish talking about his amazing qualities. But I can remember a few other occasions of Rinpoche crying, sometimes even bursting out into tears and wailing like a child, really boo hoo-ing. He was also capable of exhibiting great joy, beyond anything I had seen.\r\n\r\nWhen I was a bit older, Rinpoche invited a group of us to Tibet, including Rabjam Rinpoche, Tulku Pema Wangyal, and many others. We went to Gonchen monastery, also known as Derge Monastery, a Sakyapa temple founded by Thangtong Gyalpo in Tibet. It was Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019s second visit to Tibet since the Red Guard's destruction of the monasteries during the Cultural Revolution. China was just beginning to change its policies about faith and practice, but many of these monasteries were in a state of complete ruin. After we arrived, many, many Tibetans came to see us.\r\n\r\nOne day, a very ordinary looking young man came and from his rough looking bag, he offered a small three-inch statue of Manjushri to Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. It looked like an ordinary statue to me but Rinpoche immediately recognized it as the practice object belonging to Mipham Rinpoche. He wept for a long time\u2014it felt like ages\u2014while we all sat speechless. He behaved as if someone had given him a real live Manjushri. And I have no doubt that that is how he must have perceived it.\r\n\r\nRinpoche kept placing the statue on the table and gazing at it, then picking it up again and again. And then he would burst out in tears again. He would put it on his head and on his heart, he was just so overjoyed. He summoned Tulku Pema Wangyal Rinpoche to reward this young man and I think Rinpoche gave him quite a significant amount of money even though he wasn\u2019t asking for it.\r\n\r\nAs followers of Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, we of course paid homage to Mipham Rinpoche and Manjushri, but our devotion was very casual. Our attitude was to venerate because we were supposed<\/em> to venerate. We had never really witnessed this deep joy that Rinpoche was displaying, let alone experienced it for ourselves. I was astonished, it\u2019s not often that you see such a thing. I now realize by witnessing a real warrior, a larger than life giant, actually having tears, I had witnessed the embodiment of courage.\r\n\r\nMaybe a little bewildered and not knowing what to do, I knelt down and told him that I pledged to offer 100,000 butter lamps to this Manjushri statue. Rinpoche immediately said, \u201cYou will be very learned by the blessing of Manjushri.\u201d\r\n\r\nMany years passed. Carried away by laziness and distractions, I never actually made the lamp offerings while he was still living. Rinpoche passed away in 1991. During the enthronement of the present Yangsi Rinpoche, Rabjam Rinpoche asked me to give transmissions to the young tulkus from the writings of Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche and, sure enough, as I was reading his sadhana in praise and offering to Manjushri, in the colophon I found myself reading aloud from a passage that said, \u201cWhen Yangsi Thubthen Ch\u00f6kyi Gyatso (this is how he referred to me) offered 100,000 butter lamps to Manjushri, I thought this would be of great benefit.\u201d I was reading the lung through a loudspeaker and though I was so conditioned to not cry, my feelings were so strong that tears came to my eyes. I had to pretend that I had to blow my nose and cough. My immediate reaction was to hide.\r\n\r\nAs soon as I was done with the transmission, I immediately ordered enough butter from Tibet to make 100,000 offerings. Thereafter, whenever I have a chance I make 100,000 mandala offerings and 100,000 light offerings to this great Manjushri statue that still is kept in the Jnanasattva of Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche\u2019s stupa at Shechen Monastery in Nepal.\r\n\r\nDilgo Khyentse Yangsi Rinpoche has been enthroned for many years. I aspire to see him, Rinpoche, in the way that Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche saw me. It\u2019s unfathomable to have someone get so overjoyed by such small things, a boy and a statue.\r\n\r\n\"for\r\n\r\n[1]<\/sup><\/a> the complete collection of the words of the Buddha","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"project_category":[107],"project_tag":[],"class_list":["post-3985","project","type-project","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","project_category-episodes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/3985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/project"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3985"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/3985\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4286,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project\/3985\/revisions\/4286"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3987"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"project_category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project_category?post=3985"},{"taxonomy":"project_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mugwortborn.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/project_tag?post=3985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}