EPISODE SIX: On Memory and Elegance
Memories are not for enlightened beings. Enlightened beings don’t remember because, for them, there is no past. Past—and for that matter present and future—are for beings like us, who use the past as a reference and then expect and assume that the future will come.
I have many memories. Also, I am sure I don’t have many memories. Some are gone forever and some are lying low, only to be revived by a simple cause such as the smell of coriander. It’s very unfortunate, because having memories proves that I am not a sublime being. But for now, memory serves as a big part of my path.
Kurjey Lhakang. Photo by Tara di Gesu.
In August 2016, I stepped into Kurjey Lhakhang in Bumthang, where I hadn’t been for almost three decades. Her Majesty Ashi Kesang Choeden Wangchuck, now the Queen Grandmother, built Khaje Lhakhang in 1990 at this holy site in central Bhutan, which was once a hub for Bhutanese aristocracy. It was the seat of the Wangchuck lineage until the 1950s. Her temple is an added jewel in this beautiful crown of Bumthang.
The main temple hall is large enough for big public gatherings but it has a long narrow open-air hallway along the side, almost like a verandah, which is typical of Bhutanese temples. A lot of bells are typically hung in this area, which people occasionally ring. It’s not really an appropriate place for a bed. But when I walked into the temple with its very particular mood and smell, memories immediately arose of Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche resting on his bed on that verandah. He would park there for weeks, even months, while I and a few other attendants slept in the main hall, rolling up our beds during the day. From a spoiled human perspective it was not livable, it was like parking your body in a room adjoining a banquet hall. There was no verandah door to close, no bathroom, let alone an attached bath. There was no cupboard or side table, no amenities. But he would eat there and sleep there, his clothes folded neatly, he would write there, he would hold audience there. All he had was a thin curtain, which was almost always open anyway.
It was good to be back in Kurjey. A few months before I had received a personally handwritten letter from Her Majesty, in an elegant envelope sealed with wax, graciously giving me permission to conduct a drupchen there. Even though she is so busy, Her Majesty always writes her invitations by hand. This elegance I have tried to mimic in my own communications, but then I realized that it takes a lot of time and patience, so of course I gave up. Receiving this letter, another memory was fished out:
Dechencholing Palace
The first time I met Her Majesty was at Dechencholing Palace in Thimphu, where she lived many years ago, right through the reigns of the third and fourth kings, 1953-2009. It made such an impression on me because this is where I discovered what good taste could look like. Dechencholing is the most beautiful and elegant dwelling in Bhutan. Many well-to-do elites have built newer, more expensive residences but they are often gaudy, overly ornamented with carvings and murals, and stuffed to the ceilings with Bangkok bling. I have to say I am deadly worried that Bhutanese taste will never go beyond Bangkok. It really makes me cringe.
But the moment you enter the garden at Dechencholing Palace, you are struck by the simplicity, you can feel the unique Bhutanese character. You may also see the suggestion of an English garden, hinting that whoever is dwelling there has spent some time wandering in distant places, perhaps London’s Regent’s Park. Bhutan has no history of cultivating botanical gardens and public greens, so Her Majesty had to find an influence elsewhere to create her own Bhutanese style. Her garden had a wild element to it. I clearly remember once two bear cubs running around.
Regent’s Park
I was lucky to be invited back by Her Majesty many times and it always gave me joy—whether it was just me or a large group, for dinner, lunch, or afternoon tea—because everything was always done as a kind of ritual. At the entrance, guests were greeted by a life-size painting of Rigdzin Jatsön Nyingpo, one of the most important treasure revealers of the Nyingma tradition. Much later I learned that she had commissioned this portrait at the suggestion of Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. Before I even laid eyes on the queen, there was such a majestic air, a way people acted in anticipation of her presence. First, her personal aide-de-camp, dressed in his full military uniform, would meet me and whoever I was with at the gate. Even though I was just a young tulku, he would take off his beret and bow for a blessing instead of doing the usual salute. Then he would lead us to the palace door where Her Majesty waited.
Whatever the occasion at Dechencholing, Her Majesty greeted guests personally and spoke to each one so thoughtfully. I remember her as very beautiful. She didn’t wear much makeup, and her scarf and blouse were always so elegant and simple. Her aide would hand her a katag (ceremonial scarf) and we would exchange scarves, but she would always manage to humbly put hers below mine. This humility made her even more majestic in my eyes.
Then we would go inside where the attendants were all
barefoot. I think bare feet are the perfect accessory for the traditional Bhutanese gho that men wear. A handmade Bhutanese gho paired with argyle socks and Nike sneakers and just doesn’t do it for me. These attendants were so well trained, they moved quickly down the hallways without making a sound, whereas I had to be careful not to slip because the floors were so highly polished.
From there we were led upstairs to a magnificent living room. The walls were beautifully painted with traditional Bhutanese vegetable dyes and were so understated, not bright or gaudy. There were no Italian sofas or Chinese side tables. The divans and simple tables clustered around the room were all traditional Bhutanese. The orange-ish walls were adorned with many amazing black and white photos of the royal family, perfectly framed. And in one corner was a Buddha Shakyamuni shrine with offerings meticulously arranged, not all lumped together, each object carefully chosen and placed. This is where Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche did pujas. Sometimes he would even be there when she was hosting us.
Her Majesty always insisted that I sit on a particular divan with a brocade cover, and then everyone would take their seats. The first course was traditional Bhutanese tea with saffron rice, both served in ivory cups with the silver spoons. Our cups were never left empty. Then came bangchung filled with Bhutanese corn flakes, fried puffed rice, and other little snacks made to perfection in the palace, not anything you can buy in the market.
Lunch was served either right there or in the dining room. The attendants came in with trays of cutlery, dinnerware, glasses, and napkins. The colors and patterns all matched, and of course the napkins were ironed. Her Majesty would go around the room visiting with each guest and telling interesting stories. She spoke so softly, we had to listen carefully. And she always insisted that I eat so much. “If you eat I’ll be healthy,” she would say, so I would always get completely stuffed.
The meal was followed by coffee or tea in the parlor. Sometimes I went to the palace just for tea. English tea was arranged meticulously, from the selection of the tea to the tea set to the milk container, even the tea cozy. She always kept an eye on the attendants (chhankaps) to make sure they poured the tea first before the milk. I think she must have read George Orwell’s treatise on making a proper cup of tea. Sometimes she served fresh mint tea in short colored glasses. Everything she did was with elegance—whether it was Bhutanese elegance, British elegance, or another kind of elegance. Such unassuming, understated, refined elegance is so difficult to come by in today’s world.
I have noticed an emergence of Chinese and Tibetan nouveau riche. When I was in Tibet a few years ago, I met a Khampa who had gold-plated one quarter of his mouth. He told me he was thinking of getting the rest of his mouth done as well because if you don’t display your wealth, people will look down on you. And recently when I went to Lhasa, the organizers booked me in the Intercontinental Hotel. The scale of the hotel was humongous. The toilet was almost as big as my house in Bir. The Chinese seem to have forgotten that small can be beautiful. The designs on the mantels and chandeliers were so overdone that they were dangerously close to gaudy. But a local told me that it was the most popular place for Tibetans, especially eastern Tibetans, to show off their wealth. So people have different styles of dealing with their insecurities and displaying their confidence.
Her Majesty Ashi Kesang Choeden Wangchuck
Her Majesty’s style is to be elegant in all things. Her confidence is understated. Sometimes she would send her car to pick me up. Being very nosey, I once pressed play on her car stereo to see what music she was listening to. It was a Dvorak cello concerto. And she was one of those rare people back then who had good taste in film. She had a collection of films by directors like Kurosawa.
I learned so much from being in the presence of the Queen Mother, in particular from her respect and one-pointed devotion to Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. He lived at Dechencholing Palace for many years. Even after he passed away, she did many prostrations to his throne and prayed to Guru Rinpoche. I would sometimes eavesdrop on her, and more often than not, I found her speaking to him as if she were actually talking to Guru Rinpoche or the deity. I have now learned to do this myself and have encouraged my students to do this because, after all the composed supplications, actual talking is so nice. It’s much more personal, and at times, better than reading some poetic sadhana. If you recite something from memory, eventually you just blabber, you don’t think about the words.
I and many of my peers continue to give Her Majesty all of our respect, not just because she was a queen but because what she did for the Dharma and for Bhutan and for what she represents. When I had the honor of meeting Her Majesty again after the drupchen in August, her presence once again evoked all the precious memories of the days when we were so cared for and protected by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. I guess memories can be useful after all.
Thank you for sharing these beautiful memories!! Just so amazing….what a varied and interesting life you have led, Rinpoche!
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you very much your Holiness for your wonderful and comprehensive Memories.May all sentient being be enlightened.
So much respects, so much humility, so much memories and so beautiful la. In Rinpoche’s footsteps may all beings walk the path. Please keep sharing such precious inspiration la.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Inspiring and moving, thank you dear Rinpoche.
Thank you Precious Rinpoche for sharing with us your life. I always enjoy the way you write. Thank you. Long life for you.
Rinpoche, thank you for writing so beautifully about such precious moments. Your words made me feel like I was there too! Thank you 🙏
I can see that this queen is filling her office universally ,im in admiration great stuff!
Thank you Rinpoche …for heart touching insights!
Rinpoche,
what a majestic memory, thank you taking us with to this nice places and giving an impression of the Queen of Bhutan.
People like us, who are expecting the future, are abel to plan journeys, thats what i do presently. That s what Buddy Body needs.
Going for a journey
and not going for a journey …
May all be enlightened
Thanks.Beautiful.
Rinpoche, Thank you for sharing so many of your worlds with us. I feel very tender after reading this. Some memories are so precious. (FYI: the link to Dvorak actually takes you to George Orwell’s perfect cup of tea)
WE CAN SMILE AND BE HAPPY FOR OUR TEACHER SHARING LONG LIFE FOR HIM .THANKS THANKS
So touched by the humility and elegance of Her Majesty
Thank you Rinpoche for presenting us your memories with so much elegance. Your elegance is undisputed.
Beautiful memories:lots to learn from! Kadrinchey la Rimpoche _(*)_
Thank you Rinpoche. I think I have said before that I love the way that you weave sensory detail into your text, bringing the words to life and taking the reader into the time and place. You describe such an elegant world where people gave time and thought to even the most simple pleasure. Delightful to read. I look forward to more. Each piece stands alone.
well said Anne Taib
Such a wonderful piece, Rinpochhe. It was like being there, watching everything – the elegance in particular – with deep admiration and respect. My eyes popping, my heart softening, my mouth open. All in wonder-ment. Thank you, Rinpochhe.
_()_ _()_ _()_
Sad hearded
boundless open
among all this worlderly stuff
No I, no you, no coming, no going.
Thank you, Rinpoche
[Admin: some links & commenting not working] Beautiful fragment. It made me think of Christa Wolf’s books — about memory and what are memories. The saffron rice my father used to cook on Sunday and my Dvorak passion while I was in Prague. Thank you.
Thank you for making my student day by reading this episode…and my entire devoted life to you dear Rinpoche
There’s one memory we may treasure, the one that feeds the genuine heart of sadness. This is the memory that constantly reminds us of who we really are. It always comes to me when I look at Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse’s face. Thanks for sharing.
“as if she were actually talking to Guru Rinpoche and the deity”– so nice. Love Rinpoche’s writing.
🙏🙏🙏😓
❤
Beloved Rinpoche
When i saw Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche in the film Glimpses of DKR i was very impressed.
His presence and kindness shined over and touched me inside. The story of his pricious life, passing by drove me to tears.
Today by a feeling of interconnect or what ever, may be blessing, i get completely softened, crying – and just that, nothing else. Irritation started.
Remembering the words of my teacher, i get back to body, counting my breath out.
I m so gratefull to all my teachers and feel the giant dharma tree above; beside me my dharma friends an living teachers.
May you live long and healthy, dear Yangsy.
May all beeings be free from suffering.
A truly fragrant breath of fresh air. Thank you Rinpoche.
Thank you! I enjoyed reading this so much, delighting in all the details, especially getting a sense of Her Majesty and of Kibble Diego Khyentse Rinpoche. It made my morning shine ❤
Smiling back
washing the cup
as long as it takes
trusting in cause and condition
Om ah hum
Rinpoche, thank you so much for sharing such a precious and rare glimpses of Your Eminence’s life story .Rinpoche’s story gave me so much happiness…please Rinpoche…eagerly anticipating for more.
Thank you so Rinpoche for sharing la.
point .
thank you
z
Want to go back to handwritten letters ; this medium is like baby- rattel to me.
Have to renunce yet, it seems.
May all babys will be cared well,
may all beeings be free from attachment and aversion.
(*) (*) (*)
As an elephant in the battlefield withstands arrows shot from bows all around, even so shall I endure abuse.
Dhammapada, verse 320
Kyabsuche, I feel so blessed to be born in a family that introduced me to Dungsey Father and Sons. So blessed and thankful to have receive teachings from them. I don’t think I have understood anything but through this comment I pray that may I be able to understand it one day.
Thank you Rinpoche. So beautiful, elegant and inspiring.
You are told a lot about your education, but some beautiful, sacred memory, preserved since childhood, is perhaps the best education of all. If a man carries many such memories into life with him, he is saved for the rest of his days. And even if only one good memory is left in our hearts, it may also be the instrument of our salvation one day.
F. Dostoyevsky.
Thank you so much Precious Rinpoche _()_
The evil done by oneself, arising in oneself, and caused in oneself, destroys the foolish one, just as a diamond grinds the rock
from which it is formed.
Dhammapada vs. 161
If nothing goes wrong,
handwritten will arrive (*) (*) (*)
Beautiful La Rinpoche. Can’t wait to read next episode la.
Well written and most observant, Rimpoche. Your article honours our Dharma Queen. Thank you
Not a mother, nor a father, nor any other relative can do more for the well-beeing of one than a rightly-directed mind.
Dhammapada vs.43
Who is directing ?
Same as is remembering ?
Om ah hum vajra guru pema siddhi hung
thank you so much for writing these chapters of your life, rinpoche. i stumbled upon them only recently and have been reading them with much curiosity and enjoyment. i hope you will continue to add to them as time allows.
Think it will take some time
till your GURU DRINKS BOURBON will come out in german ?
So there is opportunity to practice patience.
Guru devotion -.
What a topic ,beeing without expectation, till it s there ready for reading.
Can t get rid from samsara …nor nirvana. Slip out duality and jump over the moon.
Reflecting gems of wisdom from today.
Om ah hum
I in you,
you in me
Buddham saganam gatchami
Dhammam saganam gatchami
Sangham saganam gatchami
May all beeings be free from suffering
Thank you Rinpoche, for your precious teachings, books and films which are pointing directly to the truth.
Wow amazing la rinpoche….thanks for sharing la
The Queen seems to have such easy focus, grace, clarity and calmness in this photo and tremendous unpretentious elegance. Not sure, but also some longing and sadness ? What a lov ing tribute to her you paid her Rinpoche. She became the Queen of Hearts to me. This episode has such tender wistfulness in it. I am so happy you are not sublime to the point of no memories. Please forgive me but with no sadness there is no true understanding in my mind and no tenderness. Thank you nonsublime being.
Rinpoche,
its so amasing how many teachings and interviews of you are hanging around in this www-space just ready to be heard, when time is right and mind is open.
A very precious one to me just now is : Ideally the ultimate retreat is to retreat from the past and the future to always remain in the present.
Thats it; i practise it whenever possible.
Thank you so much for your steady guiding.
May all be free from suffering.
Rinpoche,
today is the right moment to thank you for all your blessings !
May you live long and peacefull.
May all be free from suffering.
Who is the figure on the homepage enshrouded in the gold cloth?
When we become able to dissociate emotions from making rash decisions and have infinite trust, then only can memory be made inconsequential. There are the select few who are able to withstand the suffering, but for most of us in the human realm (especially in what is deemed the top quartile of the 7+ billion), there is a need to acknowledge past actions and means to rectify in a manner so we don’t continue in that circle of repetition with no solutions. Let’s make an attempt to support these elegant and graceful people in the best way that we can. And in the meantime, enjoy some ema datsi.
Precious to read about these memories. So clear and splendid. This woman is a true lady and demonstrates such elegance and dedication to practice. Thank you, Rinpoche, for sharing these episodes with us.
Thank you for your teachings which I have enjoyed and learned much over the many years I have known you.
Blessings from Australia
Rinpoche, thank you so much for writing all of these. I started reading it today and I have the feeling I won’t be able to stop before I finish all the episodes! This has really made me very happy. Your words are both inspiring and entertaining. You are a great writer! These texts are very precious and I hope many people will have access to them. I am very grateful! You have helped me SO MUCH with my practice, whenever I am feeling a little lazy or disconnected I hear or read some of your teachings and it helps a lot.
Rinpoche thank you so much for sharing your stories and reflections. I have found myself often speaking to my Root Lama, Lama Tharchin Rinpoche since his passing. I have found insight and comfort in these “conversations” and it is heartening to see you mention this very personal communication here. Thank you!
Dear Rinpoche la,
Her Majesty Ashi Kesang Choeden has indeed done more for the dharma in Bhutan than anyone can ever know or imagine. Just by hosting Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche in exile, she invoked all the extraordinary, inconceivable blessings which he embodied.
All the qualities you describe in this chapter as those embodied in Her Majesty are indeed genuinely palpable for any of us who were graced by her presence or have had the merit to meet her.
Her devotion to our great teacher, Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche was and is continuously exhibited in her generosity to the people of Bhutan altogether, and to all of us foreign disciples who traveled there to practice with the Kudong. She is not only a royal person, but a most distinguished person of truly noble character, as you so well describe. I pray she will continue to live a long and healthy life, as I pray the same for you.
I can never understand the merit that has brought me so many blessings, and pray sincerely to bring them to fruition. If you have not as yet written a long life prayer for Her Majesty, (as she is like a Yeshe Tsogyal manifestation for Bhutan,) perhaps we can consider this post as an invocation for the same.
Sending so many pure prayers,
Dana
Sometimes I get blown away at how very precious you are
I rejoice to see your precious queen and her precious lama, the jewel on top of the teachings, Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.
your precious gift is received with devotion.
DKR wrote prolifically
and nobody could ever figure out when he had the time.
I bet the stewardess might know when you write
I watch you move like light storms across the summer sky.
Your Majesty, we wish you Happy Birth day from Russia!!! And Ultimate Happiness खुशी for You and all people of Bhutan on that Day!!!
In each and everyone of this chapters Rinpoche is giving so fine and subtle teachings like here on the beauty of simplicity and the subtle opening of elegance towards the ungraspable spheres – if I might say this in unskilled words.
As each of this chapters has its special profound teaching enlightening the path of beings that walked before us sentient beings.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Your memories of the Queen Grandmother radiate with warmth you hold in your heart for her. Thank you for sharing with others her Grace.
How come enlightened beings don’t have memories??? Of course they do! As enlightened beings remember all their past lives and can see yours too. Imagine no memory, it is like Buddha turning to his disciples and keeps asking every second who are you, I don’t remember you, lol. They don’t dwell on memories, but they do have memories.